A day that will never be the same

Like many of you, I have been glued to our television watching the tragic story of the elementary school shooting unfold in front of my eyes. It's heartbreaking. How could someone go into a school and take the lives of so many innocent children and adults? Children- Kindergartners...their very innocence gone within a matter of minutes. It's something that I literally cannot wrap my mind around. Who would do such a thing? 

As a mother, it brought tears to my eyes thinking of the terror that must have gone through the minds of those children. It also brought tears to my eyes thinking of the pure bravery of those teachers and staff who did their best to protect those children... who did their best to shield this tragedy and pain from them. The teachers who gave their own lives today. I look at Gabriel and can't imagine the shear worry, pain, and anger that the parent's must have felt.  

As it has been said many times today... no place is ever really safe. No town, no matter how small or quaint it might be, is safe from tragedies like this. As human beings, we like to see the good in people. We like to give most people the benefit of the doubt. We want to believe that our children are safe when we send them to school. Because let's be honest, a school should be safe.  As we saw today, it doesn't matter what kind of security measures you take, if someone has a will- they will find a way. It's sad, heart-wrenching, and tragic. I'm angry and heartbroken over this story. 

I do have to say that after watching Obama's address of this event... I gained a new respect for the man. I'm not a fan by any means, and in no way did his speech make me want to support him. However, seeing him react as a father of 2 children was very touching... It actually seemed like, for those few minutes, the guy could possibly be a decent human being. Possibly. 

I can't help but wonder what was going through the mind of the shooter. Like many of you, I do not understand how someone could be so angry or ill that they would take the lives of innocent children. I know I'm not a genius in the mental health field... and by no means to I have a doctorate degree to diagnose the guy. But let's be honest here... we can't blame what the guy has done on a mental illness. I'm positive that in the coming days a better picture will be painted for all of us and somehow they will try to blame his behavior on his mental state. I personally don't care how mentally ill you are...you don't take the lives of innocent children. It's that simple. This clearly wasn't an act that was "spur of the moment." It was planned... probably for days, weeks, or even months. This guy clearly knew what he was doing. And I personally find it very cowardly that he would take his own life... It's an easy out. He knew what he was doing- so he took his own life instead of facing the harsh consequences that he ultimately knew he would face... the consequences that he deserves.  

Everyone is trying to find someone to blame. It's human nature... to try to place blame on someone or something... to give us a sense of peace and security. We try to place blame so that somehow we can make sense of something so terrible. I've seen many posts and statements today blaming this tragedy on God. Now, how strange is that? There's a plan for everything, this is true... But to place the blame on God is unthinkable. What's even more contradicting to this? God is the one person that everyone wants to blame, but yet he is the one person that everyone is running to and finding comfort in today... tonight... and for the days to come. We listen to the politics and the "good ole boys" trying to tell us that we should take God out of our schools... that he shouldn't be talked about to our children. We're taught about the theory of evolution in school but we're not taught about the true beginning as told in Genesis. We don't say the Pledge of Allegiance in schools anymore because it might "offend" someone.  The world wants to blame God and then the world complains when he "isn't there." If you ask me... the world needs to stop conforming to what politics say and the world needs to put God back in our schools... In America. In my opinion, when we stood on the statement "One Nation, Under God" we were doing a lot better. Perhaps it's time to go back to the basics America. 

Jesse and I will be holding Gabe a little tighter for now on. We will also never, ever take for granted the pure joy that he brings us and the time that we get to spend with him every single day. Tonight, our prayers go out to the families of Newtown, Connecticut. For we know that their lives will never be the same. 

The Joys of Motherhood

I'd like to fill you all in on some of Gabe's favorite thing's to do these days. He thinks that each and every thing is quite fun and hilarious. Most of the time Mommy agrees...other times, not so much. :) 

• I've learned that if your child is awake and the house is completely silent... something is in fact wrong. The house should never be completely silent unless your child is napping. So, what does Gabe like to do that keeps him so quiet? Toilet, cabinets, and drawers. Who would think that these 3 things could create such fun!? We've learned to always keep the toilet closed and the bathroom shut. However, I must say that sometimes Mommy and Daddy do fail at doing so. So, when all is silent- the first place I look is the bathroom. If he's not there... the kitchen! You see, along with playing in the toilet (which is quite disgusting), Gabe also finds a lot of fun in taking everything... yes EVERYTHING out of the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen. He's also found a new love for taking his clothes out of his dresser drawers and throwing them around the house. I think I  have my work cut out for me. lol. 
• If you leave it out, it will be on the floor. Gabe LOVES playing with water bottles. He is fascinated with taking the top on and off...over and over and over. However, he finds it to be more fun when the bottle still has water in it. Guess what happens next? He tries to drink the water and it ends up spilling all over the place! He also like to pick up Mommy and Daddy's cups that are full and carry them around. Unfortunately, they usually only make it a few steps before ending up on the floor. Tonight, Mommy caught him picking up Daddy's drink... But failed to reach it in time before it hit the floor. Oh, the fun! 
• Recently, Gabe has found that it is a lot of fun to feed Mommy. His most favorite way to do so? Well, he likes to put a piece of food in his mouth, chew it a little, take it out, and try to put it in my mouth. He thinks it's hilarious. Mommy doesn't find it so amusing. The boy is smart though... because he usually tries to continue to shove it into my mouth. He laughs the whole time. He also likes to stuff his mouth full of food and then spit it out. Not fun at all. For some reason he finds it to be funny. Where did he learn this stuff at? haha. 
• Do you know that app the Talking Cat? There's the talking dog, cat, dinosaur, etc... Well, I have the talking cat on my phone and Gabe loves it. He particularly finds it funny when he screams and the cat screams back. Do you see where I'm going with this? There is a lot of screaming going back and forth between Gabe and that cat. A LOT! 

Everything Happens for a Reason

Do you all believe the statement "Everything Happens for a Reason?" After everything that we have gone through, we have to force ourselves to believe this statement. Jesse and I will be married for 2 years on January 22nd... and let me tell you, these 2 years have not been easy. You would think that by experiencing and dealing with everything that we have- we would just give up. Most people in our situation would probably crawl in a hole and never come out...I only say that because there have been many times when I have felt like doing so. But still, we have persevered through everything from bed rest, hospital stays, wrecks, snake bites, family conflicts, and job loss. Somehow, through all of the chaos, we have found a way to come out even stronger as a couple and a family. Everything does happen for a reason... it's just that sometimes, that reason doesn't "appear" as soon as we would like. Let me explain a little on what we have learned through our experiences. 

Bed Rest & Hospitals: As you all may know, I was put on bed rest for 2 weeks while pregnant with Gabriel. That was followed by another 2 weeks of rest in the hospital. It was terrible. And yes, I mean terrible. I was bored out of my mind. I wasn't allowed out of the hospital walls until my 2nd week there! But, it had to be done in order to allow Gabriel Lee to grow stronger before he made his appearance into this world. Once Gabe arrived,  we spent another 10 weeks in the hospital at Carbondale and at Cardinal Glennon. It wasn't easy by any means. But thankfully, we had a lot of support and made it through. What did we learn through all of this? First of all, that God can work miracles- just look at my baby boy and you will witness first hand a living miracle! We also learned that even through the toughest times the greatest things can happen. Where would we be without that boy to brighten up every single day? And now we know, that in a situation like that, it is possible to overcome. So in the future, if anyone we know has to experience that same thing, we will be able to tell them that one day it will all be better. And that one day, all of the hardships that you experience will only be a memory and to cherish all of those little moments. 

Wrecks: Let me lay it out for you now. When Jesse and I got married we each had a car. I had a practically new Nissan Altima. It was the first car I had ever gotten on my own. My "Adult Dream Car." I LOVED it... and yes, sometimes I still think about it. haha. Anyway, in a very short time we went from having two nice cars to none. Luckily, we had family that was willing to help us out and now we have 2 cars once again. Did we learn anything through this? Yes. First off- to NOT swerve to miss a deer! haha. And most importantly, that you don't have to have the nicest things in life all of the time. You see, I like NICE things and I  like new cars. So this for me was hard to comprehend. But I now realize that it's not all about having the "nicest" of something... it's about having the necessities that you need to keep your family safe and taken care of. 

Snake Bites: Oh boy... do we ever have a big lesson to learn here. I mean seriously, who really gets bit by a snake? Really!? This is one of those situations where Jesse and I literally look back and are like... "Did that really happen?" Yes, in fact it did. I think the biggest thing that we learned was that anything can literally happen at any time. I can't say that we really understand exactly why this happened... at least not yet. It's a situation that I'm sure does have a more significant purpose, but  that purpose just hasn't been revealed yet. 

Family Conflict: Wow... have we ever learned from our conflict. If you have followed my blog at all then you know exactly what I am talking about. I think I'm the one that has learned the most through all of this. It took me a very long time to learn to bite my tongue when I just want to scream. As I have said before, I definitely have not done too well at doing so at all times. I'm still confused as to why someone would literally act as if Jesse isn't married to me and would try to convince him to get a divorce. And I definitely do not understand why someone would not want a relationship with my child. But to each their own, right? I've learned, through all of this, that I cannot change someone to be the person I want them to be. I realize that for some people the only role models they have had in life are people that society looks down upon. I have learned that once words are spoken they cannot be taken back- which is why I chose my words very carefully. I've learned that some women just cannot stand up for their own children for fear of being alone. And I've learned that sometimes, my child is better off without certain people in his life. I think Jesse and I have both learned that we cannot defend anyone when there is nothing to defend and that we cannot always rely on someone who we should be able to rely on. We've definitely learned that some people are just plain selfish and will never fully grow out of it and that some people are just jealous and cannot stand to see someone else's happiness. It's sad, but true. It has taken me a very, very long time to come to terms with these things and I will admit, I am still working on it. However, I believe that these are vital lessons that I have learned so far. 

And Finally, job loss. Jesse lost his job and is now searching for another. It's hard to comprehend and it's something that I still get angry about. But it is what it is and there's nothing we can do to change it. We're forced to believe that this too happened for a reason. Since everything else that we have endured has taught us something, I'm positive that this will also  be a learning experience for us. I have to believe that there are only bigger and better things out there for our family. We may not know exactly where we are going in life just yet...but rest assured that one day, we will figure it out.