the start of 2016

So, now that the hustle and bustle of the holiday season is over I thought I'd do a little update. 

I regret to tell you this. I lied. I did. it's true. You know how I said we were only buying the boys a tablet and one big toy each, yeah that didn't happen. I went a little overboard. I couldn't help myself. As much as I wanted to stick to my plan, I just couldn't. I stayed up on Black Friday shopping online and found so many deals that I couldn't pass up. Plus, It was Christmas... and kids should have a magical Christmas, right? So unfortunately I didn't stick to my plan but my kids did have a wonderful Christmas. 

I Love Christmas time and I'm really sad that it's over. Christmas is my favorite. My house looks so bare now that all of the decor is down. My mantle looked so sad...but thankfully I've got some new decorations up there that Im' actually liking... a lot. 

Anywho, this weekend brought on some nasty stomach bug for this family. It wasn't fun at all. BUT thankfully it was only a 24 hour bug and we all seem to be on the mend. Friday was our 5th Anniversary and Jesse and I finally got to celebrate tonight a little by going out to dinner and a trip to wal-mart! WOOOO!! BIG party! haha. NO, but seriously it was nice.. and we're kid free which is even better so I'm able to get some much needed work done tonight and get my house cleaned. AHHHH, at least it will be clean for a few hours until the boys come home tomorrow. 

So I was watching the movie "Mom's Night Out" yesterday and I literally felt like I was watching my life...again. It's the second time I've watched the movie and I swear I laugh so hard throughout. You know those Mommy melt-downs she has in the movie. Yeah, I have those... a lot. I mean seriously... A LOT!

But here's what i know... 

I"m not a perfect mom. I fail every single day. ALL. THE. TIME. I lose my cool a lot especially when the boys are screaming and fighting and acting like a dinosaur 24/7. But I often find myself hating that I got so mad at the end of the day because these are the days, the moments that I won't get back with my children. These are the times and the memories that I want to cherish and hold onto forever.

So, at the beginning of this year I made a goal for myself to be more present with my children. TO laugh more and yell less. To snuggle, hug and kiss as much as I can before they're too old and too cool for me. One thing I'm doing is reading the Book "5 Love Languages of Children." I'm super excited and can't wait to finish it! 

That's all for tonight folks! I got a house to clean and laundry to fold. :) 

we don't poop in the floor.

Can you relate? Come on, I know I'm not the only mom that has said this...more than once. Let me set the scene for you. 

The boys have been in bed since 9:30. Gabe has been asleep since about 9:45. It is now 1:30 a.m. and Lincoln is wide awake. 

I've been working on my embroidery orders downstairs. Jesse just went to bed about an hour ago. All was calm. We thought Lincoln had finally passed out. But, that little ninja. He tricked us all. 

So, I'm working away when I hear little footsteps coming down the stairs. I yell, "Go back to bed." 

Does he listen!? Ohhhh, heck no he doesn't.

Then I hear: "Hi Momma, I pooped." 

So, I check his butt. Sure enough, he pooped. But it's not the nice, hard regular poop. It's the nasty, stinky, runny poop that just runs and runs. UGH! 

We head to the bathroom and I start to clean him up. "I pooped Momma" Yes son, yes you did. 

We're all done and we head back upstairs to go to bed... AGAIN. 

A few minutes later, the lights start turning off an on. 

"LIIIINNNNCCCOOOLLLNNNN!!! I swear, if you're not in that room in your bed by the time I get up there you are going to be in BIGGGGGG trouble" 

Fast Forward 30 minutes. 

"Hi Momma, I pooped" 

"WHATTTT!!???" 

Yep, you guessed it... he pooped again. 

Son, we why are you pooping so much? Why does it stink so bad? Why is it so nasty? WHY OH WHY are you not potty trained yet? 

So this time we head straight to the bathtub. I've convinced myself that it's the only way we are really going to get him clean and get that stink off of him. 

So, 1:00 a.m. and bath time it is! 

We head back upstairs... and it's then that I notice that not only did he poop but it is on the floor and the top 3 stairs. 

"LINCOLN!!! Did you slide down these stairs with your poopy butt?"

"YES, Momma! I lub you Momma" 

"I love you too, Lincoln. BUT we do not slide down the stairs in our poop!" 

"Ok, Momma. HAhahahahah" 

There's poop on my stairs. There's poop on the floor upstairs. The whole stinkin' upstairs smells like poop. So what do I do? I grab the cleaning supplies, clean the whole stinkin' thing and sanitize as much as I can. 

What's a mom to do? 

Why does my kid poop so much? 

Why is he not asleep? 

Why is it 1:30 am and my kid insists on being a dinosaur. 

At least, maybe...dinosaurs don't poop? hah!

I can hope, right? 

SURPRISE!

No, we're not pregnant. Don't even go there. I'm pretty sure Jesse would kill me. Like, For REAL! haha. Though, I do want a girl... but that's under discussion for the next 5 years. lol. 

Anywho, I'm planning this super awesome birthday surprise for Jesse. It's top secret. I'm so excited myself that I'm having trouble not revealing the surprise to him. To be honest, if I pull this off without him knowing what it is- I'm going to be super, super proud of myself! I let it slip the other day that the money I had put back in a top secret location was for his birthday surprise. (Mainly because he couldn't figure out how that money just "disappeared") So, I caved...kinda. I told him that it was for his birthday/Christmas (since they're 5 days apart) and that it was a secret and when it's time, He will find out what it is. I gave few details... 

1) you have to be on location to help me pick it up 
2) it's Big and I'm not sure I can carry it on my own
3) it's super legit and you'll be totally, crazy happy when you receive it
4) it may involve some driving time and I hope it fits in our car
5) No it's not a 50 inch computer screen or a new desk

OK, OK... not all of these actually pertain to his gift. But what's a girl to do? I had to throw him off just a little so I wouldn't give it away. I broke the news to him last night that the delivery date got pushed and it might actually arrive after Christmas. Oh well, it'll still be awesome and a nice little "after-Christmas" present and excitement. 

I am SOOOOOOO excited about this. 

More details coming soon. 

SHHHHHHHHHHH....it's a surprise! 

Love, 

Jesse's Super Awesome, Amazing, Totally Secretive Wife. 

Thankful. Grateful. Blessed

I love the Holiday Season. Christmas time is my favorite... i just love the decorations and the smell of Christmas in my home. It's wonderful, just wonderful. 

As I sit here and think about this past year, I'm reminded of everything that I have to be thankful for... 

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, fought it and came out better than ever. I'm thankful for my children to have her and that she is doing so much better. 

Lincoln was having issues with ear infections and his speech. He got tubes earlier this year and is doing so much better. We did Speech therapy for a few months and he "graduated" because he was doing so well. I'm thankful that he's doing so much better and is still our crazy little ninja. 

Gabriel just keeps getting older on me and started his 2nd year of Pre-K. I'm thankful that he's learning, making friends and creating memories. I'm thankful to have such a smart, funny, handsome little boy who overcame the odds and is thriving despite what some said in the beginning. 

Lincoln fell out of the shopping cart at Walmart in May and fractured his skull. It was awful. Just awful. I'm thankful for the sweet Angels above who protected my little boy. I'm thankful that the damage wasn't any worse than it was and that at our follow-up appointment they said he was doing Great. 

We took our very first family vacation to Gatlinburg this year. I'm thankful that we had the means to go on a family trip. I'm thankful that our friends daughter, Shelbi got to go with us to help with the boys. I'm thankful that we got to create special memories together. 

Gabriel started using the Potty FULL-TIME! I never thought we'd see the day, but one day it just clicked and Boom, no more diapers! I'm thankful for this transition. I'm thankful that I only have 1 stinky butt to change instead of 2. 

My embroidery business really took off this year. I never thought I would make that much money from it and lately, I've been making triple what I have in the past. I'm thankful for this opportunity to work from home and still contribute financially to the family. 

I made a change to get healthy this year, thanks to Plexus. I'm thankful for my sweet friend who introduced me to these products. I'm thankful that I am on the road to a healthier lifestyle. 

I'm thankful to have such amazing friends in my life. I don't know what I'd do without that lifeline of laughing, sharing and drinking wine on occasion with friends. 

Jesse lost his job at the end of September. That's never something that you anticipate but it happened. I'm thankful that despite him being unemployed we still have food in our fridge, a roof over our heads and clothes on our back. I'm thankful that we are still a family. I'm thankful that he's been home with us for the past few months and that the boys have gotten to spend more time with him than they ever have. 

This past year Jesse and I had some issues, like all married couples do, I suppose. I'm thankful that we decided to work through them, together, and come out on the other side better than ever. I'm thankful that we never give up on each other no matter how much we drive each other crazy. I'm thankful to have such a loving husband who is an amazing father to our 2 boys. 

Most of all, I'm thankful for my family. For those 2 sweet boys that drive me crazy and are making my hair turn gray way too soon. I"m thankful that I get to snuggle, laugh and kiss their sweet cheeks everyday. I'm thankful for our health and all that God has provided us with.

Being Present with your children

Ok Christmas, you got me. I'm stumped. I have no idea on what to buy my kids for Christmas. 

See, I was THAT mom when I first had kids. You know, that Mom that wanted to give my kids everything. I told myself, Ok- I had (almost) everything I ever wanted as a kid, why shouldn't my kids get the same? (We won't talk about the Teddy Ruxpin bear that was on my list for Santa consistently for a good 5 years...somehow, Santa never got the memo that I wanted one. Even though I would circle, highlight, bookmark and draw arrows on the page in the JcPenney Christmas catalog... did i just date myself by mentioning that catalog?) Ok back on topic now... I'm ashamed to admit that I spoiled my kids. Against Jesse's wishes I bought those boys everything under the sun and then some. I'm not trying to brag by any means about this, in fact, I'm actually calling myself out on what I never should have done. 

I always had this vision that when I had kids they would have everything they ever wanted while being raised to be respectable to others, know the value of a dollar, be caring, loyal and loving. Well-rounded you might say. I never want them to brag to others about what they have. In fact, I try my very best to teach them that others may not have as much as they do and that we are very fortunate to have these things. But now, I'm changing my game plan. Maybe call it a new-years resolution of sorts. 

This year, I'm stumped. Christmas has me stumped. I have no idea what to get those boys. I don't want anymore toys in this house. They have enough... especially since they're new favorite toys are a pack of dinosaurs I bought at DG for $1. All of those toys that cost $20+ sit in the toybox. (I will admit though, I've been a pretty savvy shopper. A lot of their "nicer" toys have came from Goodwill, the kidsignment expo, yard sales and from the sale sites on fb. I honestly try not to spend full price on toys when I can avoid it.) So, Christmas. I decided that we would by them each a tablet for Christmas... you see, they fight over my phone CONSTANTLY. They fight over the iPad even worse. It's a never ending battle. My fix is to buy them each the same tablet so there won't be any fighting over the "bigger" one. It's a win-win... car rides will be much easier. Quiet time will come more often. And my tv won't have the constant sounds of cars, mickey, george or dinosaurs. See, mom wins too. I also decided to get tickets to Monster Jam and Marvel Live for them. Their at the age now where events like this will be remembered. Plus, time with family doing something they love is worth more than any toy, right? 

Now, of course, it's not Christmas if kids don't at least get a few toys. We're going to get them each a couple of smaller toys that I know they will love and actually play with. Other than that- Nada. Zilch. Nothing. 

Back to the basics. Let's keep it simple. It's so easy to get wrapped up in buying everything for your kids. I'm guilty of it. But you know what, the LOVE of your child can't be bought. When they get older, they'll never remember the $60 toy you bought them for their birthday or Christmas. They're going to remember the nights you snuggled in their bed or laughed with them until you cried. They'll remember building forts and playing superheroes. Racing cars around on their track. Jumping on the bed. Playing outside in the snow. Chasing them around, flying them like their an airplane, reading their favorite book. Just being there. In the moment. Being Present. That's what our kids are going to remember. And you know what, I want to have those memories with my boys. 

I'm guilty of getting caught up in my own stuff and not stopping to realize that this time right now, with my children... it's the most precious time I'm ever going to have. I have to remind myself that my "stuff" isn't nearly as important as making memories with them. So what if the dishes don't get done or the house isn't spotless... Who cares? My kids want my attention NOW. And before I know it, they will be grown up and not want "Mommy" anymore. So I'm stopping more. Worrying less. My house isn't perfect. I'm a hot mess most of the time. But I am PRESENT with my children. I'm creating that special bond with them and making memories that will last a lifetime. Sure they drive me crazy most of the time... but what did I expect with 2 boys? Sure, the constant sound of 546542313 questions a day gets a little annoying... but one day, those questions will stop coming. One day my house will be silent and I will miss the screams and jumping and roaring from those 2 sweet boys. 

What I'm trying to say is that it's easy to get caught up in buying your children everything. With social media it's so easy to compare what you did or didn't get your children-especially with the constant pictures of what others got theirs. I know, sometimes I see things other parents get their kids and think, "Man, I'm a terrible mom. My kids didn't get nearly that much." But you know fellow mommas, It's not a mommy war. We don't need to compete. Our children are happy no matter how much we spend on them. They know no difference between a pack of $1 dinosaurs compared to a pack of $50 dinosaurs. They don't care. Let's not compete anymore... Just be present with your kids. 

I'm not really sure what my main point of this post is. I guess it's that there's no need to feel like you have to "spoil" your kids. They don't need everything. They just need us to be in their lives. To show them how much we love and adore them. So join me, starting now... Let's be in the present with our kids. Let's make those memories with them that they will one day tell their children about. Let's set a good, Godly example for our kids... Teach them right from wrong. To be respectful, caring, honest and loving. 

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" 

Proverbs 22:6

An Open Letter to the Mother of the Bully at School

Dear Fellow Momma, 

Let me first say, I'm not trying to put you down. I know that kids will be kids no matter how hard we try. I know that bringing a new child in the picture isn't always easy for our little ones and that sometimes they act out and go on the defensive. We've been there too. I know that it's an adjustment and sometimes it jsut takes a while to make it through...

I see you, everyday. I see you with your children walking up to get in line for drop off at Pre-K. I see the look in your eye- that look that says, "Man, I'm really looking forward to these 3 hours that my oldest is in school." I've been there. I'm still there. Last year, I couldn't bear the thought of sending my first born, my baby, my little boy that fought so hard for his life in the beginning, to school. But then that day came and I was actually relieved. It feels weird to say, but yes I was relieved. I had a few hours at home each day with my youngest. Those hours were just for us, bonding time, a little quiet time and some time for him to be the only child- if only for those few hours. I missed my child greatly during those hours but I also cherished those times with my youngest. 

As any mom can probably relate, I was also worried. Worried about my kid's day at school, if he was making friends, if he was learning, if the other kids were nice to him, if he was nice to the other kids...all of those things were in my mind. I was also worried for his safety. In this day and age, you never know what can happen and the thought of something happening to my child when I wasn't there to protect him still haunts me every single day. 

You see, that boy of mine, the one in class with yours, he's very special to me. He was my first born. We fought hard those first few months of his life for him to be here. He fought even harder. He's the strongest little boy that I know and he inspires me everyday to be better than I was the day before. So for him to have a "friend" that's a bully in school just irritates me to the core. I hate it. I just plain hate it. I don't like to see my kid get picked on by others. I don't like him coming home from school and telling me that so and so pushed him down or spanked his butt. The "ME" inside just screams to march up to you at pickup or drop-off and tell you how it is... that the next time your child touches mine we will have problems. But the "Mom" in me says to let it go, handle it politely and teach my child the right way to handle it. 

I won't lie, I've told my child to defend himself several times. He has such a soft heart and he hates to disappoint or hurt anyone. When I said, "Well next time, just push him back," he said "NO that's not nice I'll tell my teacher." As a mom, I was proud of my child for choosing the right path on handling this. I felt good about my parenting skills in knowing that I was raising him up in the right way. But part of me wanted to scream. Part of me wants your kid to get a taste of his own medicine. 

My child knows that it's not nice to hit, push or spank other children. He knows that he needs to tell his teachers if any of this happens. He knows not to "fight" back though sometimes his daddy and I wish he would. You see, we too are raising our children in church. We also teach them to be polite, respect their elders, say please and thank you and to share and be obedient. Though we have our days where things don't always go smoothly, most of the time- he's a pretty dang good kid. He knows that Jesus wouldn't want him to hurt others, instead he wants us to show HIM to others and teach them how to be nice instead. You can understand how frustrating it is when my child is only trying to do right, yet your child is constantly bullying him for no reason other than he can. 

I get it, I get it... my child is one of the smallest in the class and it makes him an easy target. But did you know that my child was born at 2 lbs. 3.6 oz at 30 weeks? So it's safe to say that he's always going to be a little smaller than others. Did you know that a day after he was born he dropped down to 1 lb, 15 oz.? Did you know that he spent the first 2 1/2 months in a NICU and that he almost died in the first hospital? Did you know that he was life-flighted to Cardinal Glennon because the doctor didn't know what was wrong with him? Did you know that we waited almost 2 weeks before we were even able to hold our child? Did you know that I had to leave him in an incubator, in a dark room in a hospital by himself at night? I didn't get to hold him in my arms those first few months at night and feed him and bond like you did with yours. Instead, I sat by his bedside, praying that God would take care of him and see him through all these hard times. I slept in his hospital room at night in StL listening to alarms going off all the time and jumping up to make sure he was still breathing. I bet you didn't know that the doctors didn't think that he would be this "Advanced" at this age and they said that he would probably have delays. I bet you don't know how hard we worked those first few years of his life to get him caught up to the other children his age.  I bet you didn't know that every single day I thank God for my baby because I know that every day with him is a gift and it's a miracle that he's here. Do you understand now why I am so frustrated with the fact that your child is bullying mine? 

My child came home from school a few weeks back and said that another kid in his class spanked him and sent him to the corner. Today one of his friends pushed him down while they were waiting to go in. In front of everyone. You asked your child to tell mine that he was sorry and your kid refused. He looked my kid straight in the eye and REFUSED to say he was sorry. HE PUSHED my kid to the ground. That in itself demands an apology. What did my kid do to him? Absolutely nothing. Then when my child told the teacher about it while they were lining up, your kid pointed his finger in my kids face. REALLY? SERIOUSLY? Do you know that it took everything I had not to march up to you and demand an apology? 

I'm so mad. Frustrated. Furious is actually more like it. I want to scream at the top of my lungs and tell my child to just punch yours in the face. But instead, I'm praying for you. I'm praying that God will help you get better control of your child. Maybe you're praying for the same thing too. Maybe you're at your wits end with him and have no hope left. I get it. We've all been there before. I'm praying that you get through these tough times and that your kid will eventually "grow" out of it and start playing nice again. I'm praying that you realize that maybe this too is just a phase. Maybe he's acting out because he's not the only child anymore. Maybe he's not used to being around so many kids. I don't know. I just don't know because I don't walk in your shoes. But I do hope that one day things get better. I hope you know that you're not alone and that we have all struggled with our kids being disobedient. 

I hope you realize where I'm coming from. I hope you know that I'm not trying to put you down, but instead I'm trying to explain that yes, we've all been there but there is hope. I hope you understand where I'm coming from in the sense that I don't like my kid getting picked on. I don't like bullies. I want to protect my children and I don't want them to ever have to face a bully. They're only in Pre-K... my goodness, their only worry should be whether or not they are going outside to play that day. I want my child to leave each day for school happy and excited to see his friends and play. I don't want him dreading the thought of going to school because he's getting bullied. 

I'm that mom. I'm the mom that will stand up for my children no matter what the situation. I'm that mom that teach my children to be polite and understanding of others. To help instead of hurt. Though sometimes I want them to just stand up for themselves- I will teach them to handle situations in the right way. I see you doing the same... I pray that we can all get there and have a bully-free zone at school for our kids. 

Sincerely, 

Ami

My follow-up with the doctor's office...

Remember my rant the other day about my visit to the doctor's office with Lincoln? Well, I left a review on their facebook page about our experience there and how extremely disappointed I was in the way we were treated. You can read my review below: 

"I'm only giving 2 stars bc the staff in front office was great. If not for them, I would give 1 star or less. I took my child in to be seen and was scolded for personal preferences in Healthcare decisions, made to give my reasons on those personal preferences when I should have never been asked too, told that my child would basically die (for lack of better words) if I didn't follow the doctors recommendations, and asked "does he always talk like that? I can't understand him" when my 2 year old was speaking. He's 2!! I just transferred here due to our pediatrician retiring but will be switching again and not coming back here. The lack of respect was appalling and the attitude towards my son was absolutely ridiculous and uncalled for. I came here on high recommendations from others and left extremely irritated and disappointed. My family will no longer visit this facility and will not recommend to anyone."

Shortly after leaving this review I got a comment saying that their compliance officer would be in contact with me soon to discuss and rectify the problems I had stated. 

Fast forward to this afternoon. I received a call shortly before 11:30 a.m. not from the compliance officer, but from the manager of the clinic. She was very nice and asked me if I could explain the situation to her in my own words. I did. Politely. I've cooled down a lot since Monday morning and wasn't on edge like I was then. I told here everything that happened, everything that was said and how extremely disappointed I was in the way we were treated. She apologized for the doctor's behavior and said that she never should have pushed her personal opinions on healthcare decisions on me and that she should have been more "polite" in handling the situation. I agreed. 

I explained that we have NEVER before had an experience like that with a doctor. I told her about our relationship with Dr. Pav and how he was always open to listen to my thoughts and agreed with me in the decisions we made concerning healthcare. I also explained that Lincoln is only 2 and we have had issues with his speech in the past due to him needing tubes in his ears and that situation is getting better. I was very taken back by the fact that the doctor would even say something about the way he talks. He talks just fine. 

The lady I spoke to today was very nice and apologetic. She said that they strive to build a good relationship between clients and doctor's and she is very sorry that our experience was less than satisfactory. She offered me a few other pediatricians that are at the facility that we could always see instead. Since I'm not on edge as much today, I told her that I would consider seeing the other doctors but as of now, we have switched back to our previous doctor's office. She also said that she wished I would have asked to speak to the manager (her) while we were in the doctor's office so she could have handled the situation there. I totally understand that. Had I not been so irritated I probably would have went straight to her office. I apologized for leaving such a bad review on their page. I explained that I left the review shortly after leaving the clinic and I was still very upset about the matter. I've cooled down a lot since then and the review may have been a little harsh. She kindly said that she understood and again apologized for our experience. 

Overall, I'm very happy with the follow up from the clinic. In all honesty, I wasn't sure I would actually hear back from anyone. For them to care and actually call to see what had happened makes me respect the facility a little more. I do appreciate her being apologetic and apologizing on behalf of the doctor. I will say, a call from the doctor apologizing personally would be the icing on the cake. But we all know that probably won't happen... right? 

I don't think I've ever actually had a follow up from a bad review that I've left before. But then again, I haven't actually left very many bad reviews in my lifetime. However, this involved my child and the way he was treated so I suppose that's why I left it. 

What would you have done in this situation? Have you ever had a terrible experience with a doctor?